Facing the past in the present
I was 8 in 1987.
In Canada, we were getting ready to host the 1988 Calgary Olympics. Really exciting time!
I had a little notebook with pictures I had drawn of people winning medals. Strangely enough, I can vividly recall that me going to the Olympics was not a possibility.
I was more of an academic. It was in the classroom that I felt purpose and meaning.
The other kids and teachers were always anxious to hear about my writing, or let me show them something on the computer. I loved the school. I was important at school, I felt like it was the only place I mattered.
Homelife was a bit chaotic around that time. A lot of circumstances and emotions outside of my control were at play for the years leading up to 1987.
Given all of the accomplishments in my life since 1987, it feels really weird that 1987 has stood out as the best year of my life.
My parents had just got back together.
These people were running around with “The Flame” and a guy named Rick Hansen was taking his wheelchair all over the country and world.
Mom, Dad, and I were moving into a house.
New school, the new part of the City, new life.
Hope. Possibility. Love.
For a kid who had seen what rock bottom could look like, this was incredible.
At age 39 as I write this it still feels a bit weird.
Somewhere along the road, I had actually disconnected this kid from the adult me. I kept chasing things that I thought would fulfill me. The only thing I found was a disappointment and an empty void in my heart.
Recently I had the privilege of reconnecting with him and it feels like 1987 again except I don't need external sources for love and validation.